Tales from Motherhood: Quotes from a 5&2 year old

Quotes from a 2&5 year old:

Bedtime conversation with his grandma. Elijah's (my oldest) in bed.

Elijah: (Sighs) Isn't Kai so cute.

Mimi: What's so cute about him?

Elijah: His eyes.....they're so cute.

<3 <3  <3 <3 

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Kai's tantrums have seriously decreased over the past 5 months (after tons of discipline). But, the little snickerdoodle used to have them ALL THE TIME. One time, when I told him no, he collapsed his body on the ground, his caveman body really, and he had thrown two already that day so I sat down and pretended to cry (I'm sure I really wanted to though). (Normally he gets a spanking). He immediately looks up from his fake-crying. Sits up. Stomps over to me. He pats his caveman hands very UNgently on my head and keeps patting.

"IT'S OKAY MOMMY. I BE GOOD"

#whatitfeelsliketobecomfortedbya caveman

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Elijah looking at my pregnant belly.

Elijah: Your belly is BIG.

Me; Thanks, Elijah.

Elijah: The baby is then probably.....a HUNDRED days old already.

Me: Feels like it.

Elijah: Is the baby going to be older than you when she come out? A hundred years old????(Starts laughing, cracking himself up. The laughter gets louder, he's on his side, he's crying).....(deep breath) Probably..... ((keeps laughing))

#thanks

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When my children eat their vegetables.

Elijah: Okay, here I go, Kai. (Tilts head back, stuffs his mouth, chews twice wincing in pain, then swallows hard.) Your turn.

Kai: (Gets tiniest of tiny piece of broccoli, puts in mouth, winces in pain, eyes squinting, swallows hard) Your turn!

Good think I don't take it personally. #thickskin #motherofboys #itslikewatchingsororitygirlstakeshots

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Kai: Mommy wook! (look)

I look up, and he's made an "I love you" sign with his hands like the sign language we've been learning.

Me: Oh, Kai, you're so sweet, I love you SO much!

Kai: Smiling, keeps making the sign.

Me: Kai...so....(skeptical) Do you know what your hands mean?

Kai: Spiderman! (makes web shooting noises)

Awesome.

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Elijah is 5 now and rarely naps. But after a few days of not napping and a lot of activity, he gets REAL tired. One day, he stumbles in the room during nap time.

Elijah: (Stumbling) HEY.....HEY YOu....,mmmmmommy

Me: Yes, Elijah (thinking he sounds just like a drunk)

Elijah: HEY....I got...(slurring) I got something to say to YOU! Hey LISTEN YOU! (Starts laughing at nothing)

Wow.

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I walk into kitchen casually one morning, and see both boys leaning on kitchen table. I walk closer for a better view, and Elijah is dipping Kai’s hand in salt and licking it. I wrote it down because I thought it was such a typical boys thing to witness, and then I’m pretty sure I walked away and got some chores done.

#beggarscantbechoosers #pickyourbattles

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Kai has been just a little "behind" verbally since he had so many ear issues. There are some phrases he never quite learned, or mixed up a bit. The one that is my favorite is whenever he wants you to pick him up, he says "Can I hol you?" (Can I hold you). I love it. I know I need to teach him to ask "Can YOU hold ME", but it's just so cute to see his little round face asking if he can hold me. Yes, Kai, you can always hold me ;)

Quotes from My Children: 4 Year Old Edition

Elijah: “Mommy that dress is beautiful.”

Me: “Thanks, Elijah, it’s my bridesmaids dress for Miss Katie’s wedding. I’m wearing this dress, and you’re wearing your tux… and you’re going to be Katie’s ring bearer!!”

Elijah: Silence.

Sits down on the floor.

Both hands over his face.

Lets out a loud wail.

Fat tears running down his face.

Me: “Elijah, are you okay? What’s wrong?!!!”

Elijah: “I dont wanna marry Katie, mommy…(shakes head) I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to…”

Me: “OH Elijah you don’t have to marry Katie!!! NO, Katie, is marrying Jason. You’re just going to be the ring bearer…..but, who do you want to marry, Elijah?”

Elijah: “I want to marry YOu, mommy”

I die.

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At a park in Montana. Open field with trees enclosing the open field.

Me: I have to go potty, Elijah, I’m going to find daddy to stay with you while I go find a potty..

Elijah: OH mommy I know where a potty is. Here I’ll help you. Follow me.

Grabs my hand, and leads me out of the field. Kai trailing behind cautiously like always. Elijah gets behind me, and pushes me from behind, pushing, pushing, until I am facing and about to walk into a tree.

Elijah: Okay, mommy. Go potty.

Me: Stands awkwardly. In front of the tree. “Um, Elijah, this isn’t going to work out the way you’re thinking…”

Elijah: No, it’s okay mommy, I’ll bwock (block) you, and YOU go pee pee. (Kai standing a few feet behind watching)

Me: Elijah, I can’t go potty here….

Elijah: No, it’s okay mommy (pushing my from behind towards the tree again)

Me: Elijah, I’m going to go find somewhere else because I can’t do this.

Elijah: Yes, you can mommy, just go, it’s okay, just go pee pee mommy, you just gotta go

One of my most awkward moments in life perhaps.

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Family time in the living room. Playing castles, I take Elijah on one side of the room with a toy castle &Kai on the other side with Justin. They are playing and making noise and laughing. Elijah hands me a knight.

Me: Oh no, the knight is mad at you Elijah.

Elijah: Plays with his men by himself, not responding to me.

Me: What are your guys talking about? Here we should all get in our cars and go somewhere fun.

Elijah: Still playing. Ignoring me.

Elijah: Looks over at Daddy and Kai. “Mommy….you’re just not that fun….I think I’m going to go over to the other castle with daddy…”

Me, by myself with a toy castle.:  Justin, What am I doing wrong here?

Justin: Sympathetic look. “Boys don’t want to play that they’re mad at each other…”

Me: ??? So how do they want to play???

Justin: “Just pretend like you’re having fun….”

I clink the toys around and say loudly in my corner “MY GUYS ARE FIGHTING SO HARD! WOW THEY’RE REALLY ANGRY”

The boys don’t even look up from their castle.

Me: “WOW MY GUYS ARE BATTLE-ING, OH NO THEY’RE REALLY FIGHTING NOW.”

Boys still not looking in my direction.

Maybe one of these days I’ll figure men out…..

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Kai is slowly finding his words. Elijah was speaking in sentences at 2, and Kai is just his own person and I love it. He is soft spoken, and talks in a soft quiet voice when he does choose to speak. His favorite word (and my favorite word that he says) is his version of “COME ON”. He uses it a lot, drags a person by the pointer finger, and pulls them to where he wants them in a room and hand them toys, points to food, etc. But instead of “Come”, it’s usually replaced with either “JAM” or “YA”. So what we have is a short chubby toddler pulling us with “JA’ MON, mama….Ja’ mOn…” or my personal favorite since I’m such a micehal jackson fan “YA’Mon, mama, …ya’mon”

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We had Eli’s friend over and he was picking on Kai. Just shoving him, pushing him down because he’s small. I was about to intervene, and I hear Elijah pipe in and get in front of him.

Elijah: “Hey. That’s MY brudder and He’s on MY Team…..Team Girdwer….If you want to play with ME you have to play with my BRUDDER”

#proudestmomentever

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After Elijah had a great day at school:

Me: I’m SO PROUD of you Elijah!

Elijah: I’m SO…..proud of myself, too.

#wellthanks

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Lunch at home.

Elijah: (Staring at my plate) Mommy. Why did you put snow on your sa-wed? (salad)

Me: What??

Elijah: Points at the salad. “Snow…der’s snow”

#feta

Quotes from my Children: 3 Year Old Edition

Elijah is very protective of me. If the dog growls at me, he points at her, yells at her, etc etc., basically he loses it. He also is in LOVE with his baby brother. Sometimes there is a conflict of interest.
So, me and the gang, getting into the car. : As Elijah climbs into his carseat, I start to load Kai (18mo) into his. Kai is super upset and missed his nap, and curls into me, (like he's going to hug me--aww)--and sinks his teeth into my flesh.
Me: YOOOW 
Elijah: WHAT!
Me: Ugh Kai bit me (loading him in)
Elijah: (losing it) WHAT! DID! YOU! SAY!!!
Me: I said, Kai bit me, but don't worry about it Elijah, it's fine---
Elijah, on the scene, already on our side of the car, holding Kai's chubby little hand in the air.
Elijah:  Kaaaaaaaai…..(Elijah's whole body leaning over his baby brother's, thisclose to his face, and I can tell he's trying to restrain himself)…KAI…..KAI !!
Kai: Stares.
Elijah: KAI! You DO NOT BITE MOMMY. We DO NOT BITE MOMMY!  THIS IS GOING TO HURT. (lifts hand to swat baby Kai's hand)
Me: AAAAAAAAnd that's enough, Elijah, go to your seat now--okay? You don't hit baby Kai, ever--
Elijah: MOMMY…(whispers) Mommy--you spank Baby Kai, okay? Just spank him….(crawls to his seat, whispering from his side of the car)…Spank him…..just.....spank him...just....
Me: That's enough Elijah. 




After helping Kai with his dinner, I keep hearing gun noises from the other side of the table. I look over and Elijah is making shooting noises every time he moves his meatloaf around in his plate, and is moving the food around with serious intensity.
Me: Elijah…why are you making those noises
Elijah: (continues gun noises as he moves around his meatloaf)
Me: Elijah. What are those sounds.
Elijah: (in high pitched voice) Ahhhh!…..(shooting noise, another piece of meatloaf "dies")
Me: Who is the meatloaf?
Elijah: (high pitched voice) You're the bad guy…(shooting noise)
Me: Elijah, what is going on over there? Elijah.
Elijah: (looks up) What is it, mommy? 
#whatjusthappened

It's snack time and I'm giving the kids some mandarin oranges. Mandarin oranges are awesome, right, so I sneak a few for myself. The kids devour theirs, and Elijah (with *impressive* stealth) climbs down from his seat at the table. Next thing I know I hear a voice.
Elijah: MOMMY
Me: YES, Elijah
Elijah: MOMMY. I see you have some oranges over der…
Me; Yes, I do Elijah. Where are your oranges? Did you eat them?
Elijah: Yes, I did, But Mommy. 
Me: Yes, Elijah.
Elijah: Can I have one of your oranges?
Me: Elijah, you ate yours…So....I really want to eat--
Elijah MOMMY. (looks me straight in the eye) (softens tone) Do you have my-initis?
Me: What? What is that?
Elijah: My-initis. My-IN-ITIS. …….you don't want to share your oranges???
Hands them over to his plate. Nevermind. Why do I even pretend to be a normal human? #danieltiger

Elijah, it's nighttime and I'm putting him to bed. No mention of anything scary occurs.
Me: Okay, Elijah, sleep tight!
Eiljah: Okay…don't worry, mommy, if the monsters come, I will be (flexes bicep) STWONG AND COWAGEOUS!
#scripturememorypayingoff

I mention to Elijah I need to go to the bathroom, and forget that I said that out loud. Before I know it, without a word he's pulling me to the bathroom. He nudges me inside, then stands just outside the bathroom.
Elijah: (with his pointer finger in the air) Okay, mommy, you go to the bathroom. And if you get scared and you don't want to go to the potty, don't worry, because Jesus is with you! (serious expression, and closes door behind him. #jesushelpsyougopottytoo

All four of us in the car, I'm telling Elijah something, probably something he doesn't want to hear, and I end my statement with, "Okay, Elijah Baby Cakes?"
Elijah: Okay, Mommy Winnie The Pooh Tigger Male.
Me: (Looks at Justin after confused silence)…..what the what was that?
Justin: To him, you just ended your statement with his name and random words…so…he did the same….
And, somehow, these three males all get each other. #winniethepoohtiggerMALE??



Prayer at dinner, after a week of all four of us being sick (Kai last to get virus so he's still very sick)

Elijah: DEAR GOD. Thank you for making my mommy better. Help my mommy to be better….thank you that she's feeling better and doing good. AAAAmen.
(He looks up with great satisfaction, then quickly his face falls)
Elijah: WAIT! I'm NOT DONE!
We all bow our heads again
Elijah: AND thank you that daddy got his voice back….help him to feel all better...and thank you that daddy is better. (Kai coughing in background)…and thank you that Cocoa is okay…(Kai, coughing up a lung in the background)….and….(Kai looking a shade of green in his highchair, still coughing, in the background)…thank you again that mommy isn't sick. AMEN

Quotes from my Children: 3 year Old Edition

Elijah (very concerned): My Butt hurts. 
Me: Oh, dear Elijah, let me look (starting to pull up the back of his shirt so I can look at his bum)
Elijah: (Giggles) No, mommy! That's not my butt! THIS (pointing to his side) IS my butt!! (giggles) For his entire life, he has believed a "butt" is just below his armpit. 

Loading Elijah into the car. 
Me (in a normal tone): Elijah---climb into the car, okay we're in a hurry
Elijah: (snapping) MOMMY…..(pauses to think about it)….If you yell at Ewijah…..(points finger in the air)….God WILL spank you…."
#Yikes. 

My husband is known for his loud, death-rattle sneezes. Elijah is upstairs in bed, and Justin and I are downstairs watching a movie. 
Justin Sneezes.
We continue to watch movie.
Suddenly, Hears door opening upstairs, and the sound of quick pitter-pattering of feet.
Elijah(wide-eyed, frazzled hair, half awake, yelling at the top of his lungs): IS EVERY ONE OKAY DOWN DERE???
Us: ……..Uh, yeah……
Elijah: did you guys HEAR dat?!!!!!! IS EVERYONE OKAY??
Us: Daddy just sneezed, Elijah....go back to bed....
Elijah: WHATD YOU SAY
Us: Daddy sneezed...everything is okay, just go back to bed...
Elijah: OH...OKAY....Daddy....jus.....jus....be very, very careful. (turns, and returns groggily to his room slamming the door behind him).
#IthinkIwouldhavedonethesameinhisshoes

Quotes from My Children: 3 Year Old Edition

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Playing in the house with his plastic soldier sword. It's during a week that J hasn't been around much. I notice that he's swinging it around for awhile and talking to nobody.
Me: Elijah, what are you doing?
Elijah: I'm protecting you mommy from da bad guys. Ewijah is ALWAYS here to take care of you.
#ilovemyboy

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My son is obsessed with cleanliness.
We're at Chick Fil A parking lot, and I'm getting baby Kai out. Elijah's out of the car, as of 2 seconds.

Me: Stay close Elijah, next to momm--
I turn around, and in a matter of seconds, I see him and he's holding a dirty, disgusting Chickfila napkin in one hand, and a cigarette butt in the other, he had found on the ground in the parking lot.

Me: ELIJAH! PUT THAT DOWN
Elijah: It doesn't go dere mommy, this is trash, it goes in the trash.
Me: YES but it's dirty, don't touch trash on the ground
Elijah (chipper): We better throw it awayyy!
Me: Put that down!!!
Elijah: Yes. Yes, I will. I will put it in the trash.
Me: (baby in hand), Just, give it to me
Elijah: (looks at me suspiciously) Are YOU going to throw it away mommy? It doesn't go on the--
Me: Sure, yes--
So me: Walking into Chick filA, with a baby in one arm, a child on my other elbow, holding a cigarette butt up in the air. Perfection.
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He's started selectively &inconsistently utilizing the word, "Honey". It's always a bit of a shock. He always inserts it at the END of a sentence, and it's pretty much always after bad news:
Elijah: No, Baby Kai, we're not going to play with the books right now, *Honey*.
(Another day)
Elijah: No, mommy, that's not candy to eat now, it's candy to eat water (later), *Honey*.
(Before dinner)
Elijah: I don't think Ewijah is going to WIKE chicken tonight, *Honey*. 

Quotes from My Children: 3 Year Old Edition

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Yesterday, I started talking fast and loud, explaining to Elijah why he needed to hurry up and get his shoes on and where we were going. He stops me and says (??):
Elijah: Okay, mommy, say, "I…(index finger bouncing to each word) .WOVE (love)…..GOD.."
Me: (confused) I….love….GOd?
Elijah: Say it again, mommy, say say it slowly.
Me: I…love…God?
Elijah: Okay, now take a deep bweaf (breath) (inhales for me)
Me; Inhaling
Elijah: Okay. Now you feel Better?
Christian counseling at it's finest.
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Our family 'secret' is that we bribe our kids with food to get them to poo. (Yes, sorry I just went there). Elijah has learned that if he goes #2, he will get a _____, cookie, candy, piece of chocolate, whatever we have around.
At Starbucks:
Justin, holding Elijah innocently. Elijah sees cake pops.
Elijah: DADDY!!!! I NEED TO GO POO POO!!! I HAVE TO GO POO POO!! Do you see it? (pointing at cake pop) (starts to whine/cry/sing): I NEED TO GO POO POO!!!
#classicalconditioning
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Elijah is up way too early one morning. I, half-asleep, grab him out of bed and abduct him to our bed.
Me: Elijah, it's cuddle time now.
Elijah: The sun's awake!
Me: It's too early. We're going back to bed, okay. We're going to cuddle and go back to sleep with mommy.
Elijah: Okay, mommy.

Long silence. He's wrapped up in my arms, he has one arm under my neck, the other around my face. This moment is perfection. He is stroking my face with his little fingers. A minute passes, and I am almost alsleep when I feel him pushing his mouth right up next to my ear: 

A raspy whisper.

Elijah: Good morning, *Cindy.
#why. #awful #don'tcallmeBYMYNAME #awkward

Quotes from My Children: 3 Year Old Edition

Riding in the car the other day:
Elijah: It's almost CHRISTMAS, mommy
Me: Nope. It's September.
Elijah: But it IS. It IS almost Christmas
Me: No, it's not Elijah.
Elijah: Christmas is coming. 
Me: It's super far from now.
Elijah: No. Christmas is ALMOST here.
Me: It's not coming 
Elijah: Yes, it IS, it IS coming
Me: Elijah, it's three months away, you---
Elijah: NOT TODAY…but AFTER today…it IS coming.
#endofconversation #igive #youandhobbylobby



He's supposed to be napping and I hear rumbling upstairs so I go to check. I walk into his room and from the door I can already see stuffing overflowing from his bed.
Me: ELIJAH! WHat did you DO? WHERE is that coming from? (Feeling sorry for whatever stuffed animal it used to be)
Elijah: (waves hand in front of me, shaking it like in a "calm down" kind of way) Oh, no, it's OKAY, mommy, I was just buiwding (building) cwouds. CWOUDS, mommy, (pointing finger at me) It's OKAY. They. Are. Just. CWOUDS. (clouds)

I realized he had taken the stuffing out of his pillow, all of it, and surrounding his crib he has clusters of 'cloud' in each quadrant.
(his pillow is still lumpy, which he uncomfortably remembers when going to bed and explains to me, "My pillow doesn't feel good because remember when I make CWOUDS?)



Elijah had been asking a lot lately about our rings, so Justin explained to him one morning that they were wedding rings, we got at our wedding. I'm putting his shoes on that morning.
Me: Are you SO excited to go to school today, Elijah?? 
Elijah: YEAH. Are you so excited to get MAWWIED today, mommy? (married)
Me: Uh…well
Elijah: See, your wing. It's SO pretty. (holding my hand) Daddy give you this wing, and you give daddy a wing, and you get MAWWIED and you are so, SO excited for you!!!!(shaking my arm with excitement)
Me: I guess,…well, it is kind of exciting isn't it.
#admiringmyringallday #newappreciationforourweddingday