Tuesday, February 28, 2012

surviving pregnancy: the real battle

So I posted recently (last week) regarding the trials of pregnancy with a toddler. And I received some responses that prompt me to post again.

Responses such as:
"Wow, I feel so sorry for you",
"Oh you must be so miserable"
"You must hate being pregnant"
"You must be so unhappy"

No, to all of the above.
(by the way, if you said any of these things to me, I'm not irritated at you, I promise, I would ask the same).
But it forces me to ask our generation the question,

Since when does easy=happiness?

Why have we grown up idolizing inherited wealth, health, respect and attention? This person has more money than me,  therefore they have more security....Everybody respects so-and-so, I wish I had so-and-so's ______.....Her waist is thinner than mine, her hair longer, her skin tanner/clearer/prettier.....Why do we think these things?

Because we view those things as easier. And, my generation in my opinion, values the lack of having to work at anything. The lack of having to toil, having to persevere, the lack of hardship.

The answer as to why is pretty duh right. Self-preservation. It's the reason I have a job (personal-training). No way does someone want to do high intensity reps super slow in isolation, of course they want to go faster, use physics, velocity to help them through the reps, use accessory muscles at the same time to make the rep easier, and rarely does the person ever even realize they're fudging the rep again.
I feel like my generation, including myself, grew up with the life goal of
let me make my life as easy for myself as possible.

let money come to me as easily as possible
(aka) let my job be as easy as possible
let my marriage be as easy as possible
let my children be as easy to rear as possible
let my health be as easy as possible
let my pregnancy go as easily as possible.

I think that's why people assume I am being fake when I say, I am happy. Because I am also physically at my lowest point ever (well second to first pregnancy). So our brains don't compute hardship with happiness....and I feel like this pregnancy has opened my eyes to be able to compute "Yes, this is hard...and I wouldn't change it".
And by happiness, I am not just meaning a meager snicker when I'm watching How I Met Your Mother. I mean, a continual happiness. Because I choose it. I am choosing to focus on the billion-and-one blessings that have been poured out on my life and the One who poured them. And I'm choosing to enjoy my life with my husband and son in the midst of "hell" on earth--I choose me and my son's slow dancing to "Can't Take My Eyes off of You"  every morning, I choose me and my husband's sarcastic banter when we're driving and talking about Austin drivers& hipsters, I choose the feeling of Elijah clinging his arms around my neck and twisting his fingers around my hair while he hums to me and calls me his momma....are these moments in my day not worth being happy about?

And by the way, I do mean happy and not just joyful...not just an ease in my soul despite circumstances but happiness...an emotional and conscious thought process regarding what is good and true which is also despite circumstances... (believe me, I have been rebuked about using the word 'happy' in the church before...it's like a freakin four-letter word sometimes)

But I am happy. I am sick, and I am happy.  I am so happy to have another baby. To have God's blessings. That God hasn't given up on me. That God chose me for this specific path. That I have been led to seek the Bible. And it is why I am the happiest, of ever in my life.

I am so happy to be pregnant again.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

surviving pregnancy with a 2 year old...

Been Tough Stuff.
I'm turning a corner physically...which is why I can now write about this.

I thought the first pregnancy was rough...and it was. Tougher than this for sure in a physical sense, as I was working 70 hours/week with clinicals and the worst nausea known to man. Definitely harder than staying at home.....
The past 6 weeks have not been for the faint at heart. Women have been rearing children while pregnant since the dawn of TIME. And it amazes me. Because people. It's not easy pushing through pain. Labor was *so much easier than this. I can't imagine single working moms with multiple kids...we should be watching documentaries on their lives because I know I could learn a thing or two. I have no room to complain, ever.

For the sake of being honest, I just want to admit that it has been hard.

Rearing a child is hard enough without feeling like every cell of your body is maxed out and the thought anything remotely unattractive making you literally gag.

Changing dirty diapers and trying your darndest not to puke all over your kid, chasing them around when they are faster than you when you barely had the energy to change out of your PJs (and frequently, don't), avoiding having to open the fridge at all throughout the day because the smell--the look--of unappetizing food does you in..watching the dustbunnies collect in every corner and hating that you don't even have the energy to pick up towels off the floor..it's just hard.

The hardest part, though, is not being able to be the mom I want to be.
I would do anything for my son. So it kills me when I feel like I can't do anything for him.

First trimester's gone. The symptoms have started to wane slightly...but I'm not throwing any parties--as last time the Pukefest 2009 lasted 18weeks. But still, I am slightly better and that makes a world of difference.

So I made a list of things--my Pregnant Mom Survival Kit if you will--and thought I would share the top 5 things that are getting me through pregnancy with a toddler.


At 22g (yes that's twenty-two) of protein per cup, all natural ingredients, calming effect on my stomach and a yummy taste....PLEASE AND THANK YOU! Chobani has for SURE been getting me through this pregnancy. It's protein content is insane, which is so helpful when I'm trying to down 70g of protein a day--a difficult hurdle to jump when all meats make you nauseous. I eat three/four cups per day, and it's my late night treat every night. I put fruit in it, almonds, or-- my latest obsession-- homemade dulce de leche...to. die. for. Tonight, we even used it in lieu of sour cream in our fajitas! (We used the plain version).  It has become a favorite as we now as a family make oatmeal every morning out of whole oats, mix half a cup of Chobani (plain), chop up whatever fruits available and add a local honey. YUM.
Not only are we all getting great protein and calcium to start our day (because as we all know protein stores for only 8hours roughly, so by the time you wake up in the morning your brain is craaaving it--sorry enough back-pedaling), but Justin gets his fiber to keep his cholesterol down and we all get protected from developing Austin's nasty allergies through eating honey from local honey bees. WIN-Win-WIN


I've never been a napper. Fact, I don't even get much sleep at night, much less when it's the bright of day and I have laser-sharp focus on the daily two page list of To-dos. Let's face it, for the type A, sleep is just a waste of time..... Until Elijah turned 1 going on 14...and I got pregnant. I have to face the fact that I just can't make it through the day without my noon nap. Yes, I'm now further behind on bible study, and the house is more messy, the yard is more messy, ....but you know what, at least I got to read to Elijah that day. Spend time with him. Hold him. That's the new To-do. I don't miss my nap time now. Or I am just like this cute missy poo.


I. Love. This. Place. Fresh ingredients, yummy, and quick. I'm a believer in pizza, pending on what's in it of course, but I am a huge fan of this healthy meal. We *when not pregnant* usually have it every Friday, I make my own whole wheat dough, load it with spinach and a meat (which I load on Justin's side of the pizza, he's all hombre), then put fresh mozerella and whatever other vegetable toppings we have leftover that week. Baby bear is OBSESSED with pizza and asks for it everyday (which is starting to get old). But as easy as this meal is to make, the thought of cleaning up the flour and sticky counters...zero energy. That's where Papa M's has been a Godsend. Pop it in the oven and 15min later, dinner is served! (Not to mention they perpetually put out coupons so you rarely have to spend over $9 on a large meditteranean chicken, score!)

4) YouTube

Sketchville, I know. But I love YouTube! I hate all things TV for my bear cub. But I'm just not getting through the next 6 months without TV. No other way to slice it. It has become a necessity for days I can barely walk from one side of the house to the other (on an extreme day, yes I told you I don't do pregnancy well), I need something to entertain him. Because I don't want to just sit him in front of a screen, I have found that YouTube is a pretty good happy medium. For one, the videos are just long enough to keep his attention for a few minutes without the fast editing that can be assoicated with ADD (insert clearing throat sound, SESAME STREET) ((yes he still watches it sometimes)). For two, I can hand-pick what he's watching, and I can find videos that teach shapes, colors, and animals so that when I don't have the energy to teach him things, these awesome videos do while entertaining him. (You'd be shocked how many great educational clips there are out there!) For three, I can sit there with him at the computer while he watches and interact with him here and there....WHILE on Pinterest! Winning.

5) Humility.

This is actually number one on my list. It shouldn't even be on here though, because truth is I haven't been humble this pregnancy. That might be why it's been so hard for me. I hate asking for help, and I hate saying no. Dangerous combination :/.
   I've recently talked to moms who are wiser than me, and they are telling me to ACCEPT help when offered. I don't think I've done that much this pregnancy.

    One mom was telling me she was sick for nine months, and had both a house cleaner AND a nanny to watch her toddler during almost her entire pregnancy. She was a stay-at-home, and a woman who doesn't have a lazy bone in her body.
I guess it's okay to accept help sometimes.

Maybe I have been sick because God has been wanting me to learn humility...learn to be the weak one. Reminds me of the verse, "When I am weak, then I am strong" (1Cor).

This is a verse I've been clinging to, I mean clinging to, this pregnancy. It almost brings tears to my eyes as it makes me reflect on the gravity of the task set before me.

 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
2 Corinth 4:16-18

eternal weight of glory.
worth it.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

happy valentines: happy food day

This year we had a bit of a Vday extravaganza. Justin&I had gotten some date night time the weekend before, so for Vday I wanted my boyS to take me out. We had a romantic patio dinner at Vespaio/Enoteca, definitely the best Italian in Austin (and we went the night before...so we didn't have to fight crowds downtown--wheW)

On Valentines me &the cub had a special day just the two of us:) We did some Vday with friends, then got to work on our Vday crafts for daddy

(we wanted to get him flowers&candy....man version)

That afternoon me and baby bear made these fun Toddler-sized homemade pop-tarts (warning: filling must contain crack.. in there somewhere...)

(I mixed berries for my filling, rather than just the cherry. Also you can use your own pie crust for a healthIER version)

We ended the day with a big heart-shaped pizza for the three--er--four of us! :) No better way to end a day than with pizza&those you love

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I am your first kiss
Your first friend
Your first love

i am your momma
happy valentines my love