Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Quotes from my Children: 3 Year Old Edition

Elijah is very protective of me. If the dog growls at me, he points at her, yells at her, etc etc., basically he loses it. He also is in LOVE with his baby brother. Sometimes there is a conflict of interest.
So, me and the gang, getting into the car. : As Elijah climbs into his carseat, I start to load Kai (18mo) into his. Kai is super upset and missed his nap, and curls into me, (like he's going to hug me--aww)--and sinks his teeth into my flesh.
Elijah: WHAT!
Me: Ugh Kai bit me (loading him in)
Elijah: (losing it) WHAT! DID! YOU! SAY!!!
Me: I said, Kai bit me, but don't worry about it Elijah, it's fine---
Elijah, on the scene, already on our side of the car, holding Kai's chubby little hand in the air.
Elijah:  Kaaaaaaaai…..(Elijah's whole body leaning over his baby brother's, thisclose to his face, and I can tell he's trying to restrain himself)…KAI…..KAI !!
Kai: Stares.
Elijah: KAI! You DO NOT BITE MOMMY. We DO NOT BITE MOMMY!  THIS IS GOING TO HURT. (lifts hand to swat baby Kai's hand)
Me: AAAAAAAAnd that's enough, Elijah, go to your seat now--okay? You don't hit baby Kai, ever--
Elijah: MOMMY…(whispers) Mommy--you spank Baby Kai, okay? Just spank him….(crawls to his seat, whispering from his side of the car)…Spank him…..just.....spank him...just....
Me: That's enough Elijah. 

After helping Kai with his dinner, I keep hearing gun noises from the other side of the table. I look over and Elijah is making shooting noises every time he moves his meatloaf around in his plate, and is moving the food around with serious intensity.
Me: Elijah…why are you making those noises
Elijah: (continues gun noises as he moves around his meatloaf)
Me: Elijah. What are those sounds.
Elijah: (in high pitched voice) Ahhhh!…..(shooting noise, another piece of meatloaf "dies")
Me: Who is the meatloaf?
Elijah: (high pitched voice) You're the bad guy…(shooting noise)
Me: Elijah, what is going on over there? Elijah.
Elijah: (looks up) What is it, mommy? 

It's snack time and I'm giving the kids some mandarin oranges. Mandarin oranges are awesome, right, so I sneak a few for myself. The kids devour theirs, and Elijah (with *impressive* stealth) climbs down from his seat at the table. Next thing I know I hear a voice.
Elijah: MOMMY
Me: YES, Elijah
Elijah: MOMMY. I see you have some oranges over der…
Me; Yes, I do Elijah. Where are your oranges? Did you eat them?
Elijah: Yes, I did, But Mommy. 
Me: Yes, Elijah.
Elijah: Can I have one of your oranges?
Me: Elijah, you ate yours…So....I really want to eat--
Elijah MOMMY. (looks me straight in the eye) (softens tone) Do you have my-initis?
Me: What? What is that?
Elijah: My-initis. My-IN-ITIS. …….you don't want to share your oranges???
Hands them over to his plate. Nevermind. Why do I even pretend to be a normal human? #danieltiger

Elijah, it's nighttime and I'm putting him to bed. No mention of anything scary occurs.
Me: Okay, Elijah, sleep tight!
Eiljah: Okay…don't worry, mommy, if the monsters come, I will be (flexes bicep) STWONG AND COWAGEOUS!

I mention to Elijah I need to go to the bathroom, and forget that I said that out loud. Before I know it, without a word he's pulling me to the bathroom. He nudges me inside, then stands just outside the bathroom.
Elijah: (with his pointer finger in the air) Okay, mommy, you go to the bathroom. And if you get scared and you don't want to go to the potty, don't worry, because Jesus is with you! (serious expression, and closes door behind him. #jesushelpsyougopottytoo

All four of us in the car, I'm telling Elijah something, probably something he doesn't want to hear, and I end my statement with, "Okay, Elijah Baby Cakes?"
Elijah: Okay, Mommy Winnie The Pooh Tigger Male.
Me: (Looks at Justin after confused silence)…..what the what was that?
Justin: To him, you just ended your statement with his name and random words…so…he did the same….
And, somehow, these three males all get each other. #winniethepoohtiggerMALE??

Prayer at dinner, after a week of all four of us being sick (Kai last to get virus so he's still very sick)

Elijah: DEAR GOD. Thank you for making my mommy better. Help my mommy to be better….thank you that she's feeling better and doing good. AAAAmen.
(He looks up with great satisfaction, then quickly his face falls)
Elijah: WAIT! I'm NOT DONE!
We all bow our heads again
Elijah: AND thank you that daddy got his voice back….help him to feel all better...and thank you that daddy is better. (Kai coughing in background)…and thank you that Cocoa is okay…(Kai, coughing up a lung in the background)….and….(Kai looking a shade of green in his highchair, still coughing, in the background)…thank you again that mommy isn't sick. AMEN