Tuesday, February 28, 2012

surviving pregnancy: the real battle

So I posted recently (last week) regarding the trials of pregnancy with a toddler. And I received some responses that prompt me to post again.

Responses such as:
"Wow, I feel so sorry for you",
"Oh you must be so miserable"
"You must hate being pregnant"
"You must be so unhappy"

No, to all of the above.
(by the way, if you said any of these things to me, I'm not irritated at you, I promise, I would ask the same).
But it forces me to ask our generation the question,

Since when does easy=happiness?

Why have we grown up idolizing inherited wealth, health, respect and attention? This person has more money than me,  therefore they have more security....Everybody respects so-and-so, I wish I had so-and-so's ______.....Her waist is thinner than mine, her hair longer, her skin tanner/clearer/prettier.....Why do we think these things?

Because we view those things as easier. And, my generation in my opinion, values the lack of having to work at anything. The lack of having to toil, having to persevere, the lack of hardship.

The answer as to why is pretty duh right. Self-preservation. It's the reason I have a job (personal-training). No way does someone want to do high intensity reps super slow in isolation, of course they want to go faster, use physics, velocity to help them through the reps, use accessory muscles at the same time to make the rep easier, and rarely does the person ever even realize they're fudging the rep again.
I feel like my generation, including myself, grew up with the life goal of
let me make my life as easy for myself as possible.

let money come to me as easily as possible
(aka) let my job be as easy as possible
let my marriage be as easy as possible
let my children be as easy to rear as possible
let my health be as easy as possible
let my pregnancy go as easily as possible.

I think that's why people assume I am being fake when I say, I am happy. Because I am also physically at my lowest point ever (well second to first pregnancy). So our brains don't compute hardship with happiness....and I feel like this pregnancy has opened my eyes to be able to compute "Yes, this is hard...and I wouldn't change it".
And by happiness, I am not just meaning a meager snicker when I'm watching How I Met Your Mother. I mean, a continual happiness. Because I choose it. I am choosing to focus on the billion-and-one blessings that have been poured out on my life and the One who poured them. And I'm choosing to enjoy my life with my husband and son in the midst of "hell" on earth--I choose me and my son's slow dancing to "Can't Take My Eyes off of You"  every morning, I choose me and my husband's sarcastic banter when we're driving and talking about Austin drivers& hipsters, I choose the feeling of Elijah clinging his arms around my neck and twisting his fingers around my hair while he hums to me and calls me his momma....are these moments in my day not worth being happy about?

And by the way, I do mean happy and not just joyful...not just an ease in my soul despite circumstances but happiness...an emotional and conscious thought process regarding what is good and true which is also despite circumstances... (believe me, I have been rebuked about using the word 'happy' in the church before...it's like a freakin four-letter word sometimes)

But I am happy. I am sick, and I am happy.  I am so happy to have another baby. To have God's blessings. That God hasn't given up on me. That God chose me for this specific path. That I have been led to seek the Bible. And it is why I am the happiest, of ever in my life.

I am so happy to be pregnant again.

1 comment:

  1. :) i wholeheartedly agree with you :)
    praying God will continue to work through you, grow you even more like His Son & use you & your family to His glory :)