Showing posts with label funny parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny parents. Show all posts
Friday, November 14, 2014
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Clueless Mom: Parents of the Year
I just read this article/study from the National Institute of health about how children who experience fever are less likely to develop allergies after the age of six.
Of course they are. Because I worked so hard to keep baby bear from getting sick all year (and was successful, he's only had the one fever at age 1) So that would make sense. Why can you never win as a mom? ha.
Here's some pics that do cheer me up from a popular forward you've probably already received from 12 different people. Oh well they made me laugh today so I'm gonna share them with you.
PARENTS OF THE YEAR:
Nice.
Yes.
(note: I love how all ethnicities are represented equally in this special cohort)
Ha. Yeah, yeah I know I can't judge. I've probably done a couple of these, if not I'm sure I'll do something worse before this whole parent-thing is over.
Though, I don't know...the truck full of babies ismy favorite pretty strange...
Of course they are. Because I worked so hard to keep baby bear from getting sick all year (and was successful, he's only had the one fever at age 1) So that would make sense. Why can you never win as a mom? ha.
Here's some pics that do cheer me up from a popular forward you've probably already received from 12 different people. Oh well they made me laugh today so I'm gonna share them with you.
PARENTS OF THE YEAR:
(note: I love how all ethnicities are represented equally in this special cohort)
Ha. Yeah, yeah I know I can't judge. I've probably done a couple of these, if not I'm sure I'll do something worse before this whole parent-thing is over.
Though, I don't know...the truck full of babies is
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Quotes from my Children: 3 Year Old Edition
Elijah is very protective of me. If the dog growls at me, he points at her, yells at her, etc etc., basically he loses it. He also is in LOVE with his baby brother. Sometimes there is a conflict of interest.
So, me and the gang, getting into the car. : As Elijah climbs into his carseat, I start to load Kai (18mo) into his. Kai is super upset and missed his nap, and curls into me, (like he's going to hug me--aww)--and sinks his teeth into my flesh.
Me: YOOOW
Elijah: WHAT!
Me: Ugh Kai bit me (loading him in)
Elijah: (losing it) WHAT! DID! YOU! SAY!!!
Me: I said, Kai bit me, but don't worry about it Elijah, it's fine---
Elijah, on the scene, already on our side of the car, holding Kai's chubby little hand in the air.
Elijah: Kaaaaaaaai…..(Elijah's whole body leaning over his baby brother's, thisclose to his face, and I can tell he's trying to restrain himself)…KAI…..KAI !!
Kai: Stares.
Elijah: KAI! You DO NOT BITE MOMMY. We DO NOT BITE MOMMY! THIS IS GOING TO HURT. (lifts hand to swat baby Kai's hand)
Me: AAAAAAAAnd that's enough, Elijah, go to your seat now--okay? You don't hit baby Kai, ever--
Elijah: MOMMY…(whispers) Mommy--you spank Baby Kai, okay? Just spank him….(crawls to his seat, whispering from his side of the car)…Spank him…..just.....spank him...just....
Me: That's enough Elijah.
After helping Kai with his dinner, I keep hearing gun noises from the other side of the table. I look over and Elijah is making shooting noises every time he moves his meatloaf around in his plate, and is moving the food around with serious intensity.
Me: Elijah…why are you making those noises
Elijah: (continues gun noises as he moves around his meatloaf)
Me: Elijah. What are those sounds.
Elijah: (in high pitched voice) Ahhhh!…..(shooting noise, another piece of meatloaf "dies")
Me: Who is the meatloaf?
Elijah: (high pitched voice) You're the bad guy…(shooting noise)
Me: Elijah, what is going on over there? Elijah.
Elijah: (looks up) What is it, mommy?
#whatjusthappened
It's snack time and I'm giving the kids some mandarin oranges. Mandarin oranges are awesome, right, so I sneak a few for myself. The kids devour theirs, and Elijah (with *impressive* stealth) climbs down from his seat at the table. Next thing I know I hear a voice.
Elijah: MOMMY
Me: YES, Elijah
Elijah: MOMMY. I see you have some oranges over der…
Me; Yes, I do Elijah. Where are your oranges? Did you eat them?
Elijah: Yes, I did, But Mommy.
Me: Yes, Elijah.
Elijah: Can I have one of your oranges?
Me: Elijah, you ate yours…So....I really want to eat--
Elijah MOMMY. (looks me straight in the eye) (softens tone) Do you have my-initis?
Me: What? What is that?
Elijah: My-initis. My-IN-ITIS. …….you don't want to share your oranges???
Hands them over to his plate. Nevermind. Why do I even pretend to be a normal human? #danieltiger
Elijah, it's nighttime and I'm putting him to bed. No mention of anything scary occurs.
Me: Okay, Elijah, sleep tight!
Eiljah: Okay…don't worry, mommy, if the monsters come, I will be (flexes bicep) STWONG AND COWAGEOUS!
#scripturememorypayingoff
I mention to Elijah I need to go to the bathroom, and forget that I said that out loud. Before I know it, without a word he's pulling me to the bathroom. He nudges me inside, then stands just outside the bathroom.
Elijah: (with his pointer finger in the air) Okay, mommy, you go to the bathroom. And if you get scared and you don't want to go to the potty, don't worry, because Jesus is with you! (serious expression, and closes door behind him. #jesushelpsyougopottytoo
All four of us in the car, I'm telling Elijah something, probably something he doesn't want to hear, and I end my statement with, "Okay, Elijah Baby Cakes?"
Elijah: Okay, Mommy Winnie The Pooh Tigger Male.
Me: (Looks at Justin after confused silence)…..what the what was that?
Justin: To him, you just ended your statement with his name and random words…so…he did the same….
And, somehow, these three males all get each other. #winniethepoohtiggerMALE??
Prayer at dinner, after a week of all four of us being sick (Kai last to get virus so he's still very sick)
Elijah: DEAR GOD. Thank you for making my mommy better. Help my mommy to be better….thank you that she's feeling better and doing good. AAAAmen.
(He looks up with great satisfaction, then quickly his face falls)
Elijah: WAIT! I'm NOT DONE!
We all bow our heads again
Elijah: AND thank you that daddy got his voice back….help him to feel all better...and thank you that daddy is better. (Kai coughing in background)…and thank you that Cocoa is okay…(Kai, coughing up a lung in the background)….and….(Kai looking a shade of green in his highchair, still coughing, in the background)…thank you again that mommy isn't sick. AMEN
So, me and the gang, getting into the car. : As Elijah climbs into his carseat, I start to load Kai (18mo) into his. Kai is super upset and missed his nap, and curls into me, (like he's going to hug me--aww)--and sinks his teeth into my flesh.
Me: YOOOW
Elijah: WHAT!
Me: Ugh Kai bit me (loading him in)
Elijah: (losing it) WHAT! DID! YOU! SAY!!!
Me: I said, Kai bit me, but don't worry about it Elijah, it's fine---
Elijah, on the scene, already on our side of the car, holding Kai's chubby little hand in the air.
Elijah: Kaaaaaaaai…..(Elijah's whole body leaning over his baby brother's, thisclose to his face, and I can tell he's trying to restrain himself)…KAI…..KAI !!
Kai: Stares.
Elijah: KAI! You DO NOT BITE MOMMY. We DO NOT BITE MOMMY! THIS IS GOING TO HURT. (lifts hand to swat baby Kai's hand)
Me: AAAAAAAAnd that's enough, Elijah, go to your seat now--okay? You don't hit baby Kai, ever--
Elijah: MOMMY…(whispers) Mommy--you spank Baby Kai, okay? Just spank him….(crawls to his seat, whispering from his side of the car)…Spank him…..just.....spank him...just....
Me: That's enough Elijah.
After helping Kai with his dinner, I keep hearing gun noises from the other side of the table. I look over and Elijah is making shooting noises every time he moves his meatloaf around in his plate, and is moving the food around with serious intensity.
Me: Elijah…why are you making those noises
Elijah: (continues gun noises as he moves around his meatloaf)
Me: Elijah. What are those sounds.
Elijah: (in high pitched voice) Ahhhh!…..(shooting noise, another piece of meatloaf "dies")
Me: Who is the meatloaf?
Elijah: (high pitched voice) You're the bad guy…(shooting noise)
Me: Elijah, what is going on over there? Elijah.
Elijah: (looks up) What is it, mommy?
#whatjusthappened
It's snack time and I'm giving the kids some mandarin oranges. Mandarin oranges are awesome, right, so I sneak a few for myself. The kids devour theirs, and Elijah (with *impressive* stealth) climbs down from his seat at the table. Next thing I know I hear a voice.
Elijah: MOMMY
Me: YES, Elijah
Elijah: MOMMY. I see you have some oranges over der…
Me; Yes, I do Elijah. Where are your oranges? Did you eat them?
Elijah: Yes, I did, But Mommy.
Me: Yes, Elijah.
Elijah: Can I have one of your oranges?
Me: Elijah, you ate yours…So....I really want to eat--
Elijah MOMMY. (looks me straight in the eye) (softens tone) Do you have my-initis?
Me: What? What is that?
Elijah: My-initis. My-IN-ITIS. …….you don't want to share your oranges???
Hands them over to his plate. Nevermind. Why do I even pretend to be a normal human? #danieltiger
Elijah, it's nighttime and I'm putting him to bed. No mention of anything scary occurs.
Me: Okay, Elijah, sleep tight!
Eiljah: Okay…don't worry, mommy, if the monsters come, I will be (flexes bicep) STWONG AND COWAGEOUS!
#scripturememorypayingoff
I mention to Elijah I need to go to the bathroom, and forget that I said that out loud. Before I know it, without a word he's pulling me to the bathroom. He nudges me inside, then stands just outside the bathroom.
Elijah: (with his pointer finger in the air) Okay, mommy, you go to the bathroom. And if you get scared and you don't want to go to the potty, don't worry, because Jesus is with you! (serious expression, and closes door behind him. #jesushelpsyougopottytoo
All four of us in the car, I'm telling Elijah something, probably something he doesn't want to hear, and I end my statement with, "Okay, Elijah Baby Cakes?"
Elijah: Okay, Mommy Winnie The Pooh Tigger Male.
Me: (Looks at Justin after confused silence)…..what the what was that?
Justin: To him, you just ended your statement with his name and random words…so…he did the same….
And, somehow, these three males all get each other. #winniethepoohtiggerMALE??
Prayer at dinner, after a week of all four of us being sick (Kai last to get virus so he's still very sick)
Elijah: DEAR GOD. Thank you for making my mommy better. Help my mommy to be better….thank you that she's feeling better and doing good. AAAAmen.
(He looks up with great satisfaction, then quickly his face falls)
Elijah: WAIT! I'm NOT DONE!
We all bow our heads again
Elijah: AND thank you that daddy got his voice back….help him to feel all better...and thank you that daddy is better. (Kai coughing in background)…and thank you that Cocoa is okay…(Kai, coughing up a lung in the background)….and….(Kai looking a shade of green in his highchair, still coughing, in the background)…thank you again that mommy isn't sick. AMEN
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Quotes from my Children: 3 year Old Edition
Elijah (very concerned): My Butt hurts.
Me: Oh, dear Elijah, let me look (starting to pull up the back of his shirt so I can look at his bum)
Elijah: (Giggles) No, mommy! That's not my butt! THIS (pointing to his side) IS my butt!! (giggles) For his entire life, he has believed a "butt" is just below his armpit.
Loading Elijah into the car.
Me (in a normal tone): Elijah---climb into the car, okay we're in a hurry
Elijah: (snapping) MOMMY…..(pauses to think about it)….If you yell at Ewijah…..(points finger in the air)….God WILL spank you…."
#Yikes.
My husband is known for his loud, death-rattle sneezes. Elijah is upstairs in bed, and Justin and I are downstairs watching a movie.
Justin Sneezes.
We continue to watch movie.
Suddenly, Hears door opening upstairs, and the sound of quick pitter-pattering of feet.
Elijah(wide-eyed, frazzled hair, half awake, yelling at the top of his lungs): IS EVERY ONE OKAY DOWN DERE???
Us: ……..Uh, yeah……
Elijah: did you guys HEAR dat?!!!!!! IS EVERYONE OKAY??
Us: Daddy just sneezed, Elijah....go back to bed....
Elijah: WHATD YOU SAY
Us: Daddy sneezed...everything is okay, just go back to bed...
Elijah: OH...OKAY....Daddy....jus.....jus....be very, very careful. (turns, and returns groggily to his room slamming the door behind him).
#IthinkIwouldhavedonethesameinhisshoes
Me: Oh, dear Elijah, let me look (starting to pull up the back of his shirt so I can look at his bum)
Elijah: (Giggles) No, mommy! That's not my butt! THIS (pointing to his side) IS my butt!! (giggles) For his entire life, he has believed a "butt" is just below his armpit.
Loading Elijah into the car.
Me (in a normal tone): Elijah---climb into the car, okay we're in a hurry
Elijah: (snapping) MOMMY…..(pauses to think about it)….If you yell at Ewijah…..(points finger in the air)….God WILL spank you…."
#Yikes.
My husband is known for his loud, death-rattle sneezes. Elijah is upstairs in bed, and Justin and I are downstairs watching a movie.
Justin Sneezes.
We continue to watch movie.
Suddenly, Hears door opening upstairs, and the sound of quick pitter-pattering of feet.
Elijah(wide-eyed, frazzled hair, half awake, yelling at the top of his lungs): IS EVERY ONE OKAY DOWN DERE???
Us: ……..Uh, yeah……
Elijah: did you guys HEAR dat?!!!!!! IS EVERYONE OKAY??
Us: Daddy just sneezed, Elijah....go back to bed....
Elijah: WHATD YOU SAY
Us: Daddy sneezed...everything is okay, just go back to bed...
Elijah: OH...OKAY....Daddy....jus.....jus....be very, very careful. (turns, and returns groggily to his room slamming the door behind him).
#IthinkIwouldhavedonethesameinhisshoes
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